The one thing we can all count on is that consistency matters. Most people want to be seen as trustworthy and want their families, workplaces, friendships, and communities to know that they can turn to us when something is important to them. I’m sure you feel the same. So how do you create a world where people can rely on you, and you on them?

Trust is built when you’re consistent and your behavior matches with your words and intentions. You show others your true character with your integrity and by keeping your word. Trust is therefore established through what other people repeatedly experience from you rather than what you want them to believe about you. It is experiential, not something you can talk someone into.

One way to assess how people see you is to ask yourself the following questions:

• “Do I follow through on what I say?”
• “Do I communicate when plans change?”
• “Do my actions generally reflect the values I claim to hold?”
• “When people interact with me, do they have a reasonable sense of how I will respond?”

Practicing these questions can help you create consistency in how you show up for others and how you impact their understanding of your character. People pay attention to patterns, and every interaction teaches what can be expected of you.

When your words and behavior are generally aligned, people will feel secure in their relationship with you. They know that your promises carry weight and have confidence that you will communicate honestly, respond thoughtfully, and take responsibility for your commitments. When your behavior changes dramatically from one interaction to the next, uncertainty begins to replace that confidence.

In a PSI Podcast conversation about consistency and integrity, Carson Johns explains that people naturally want to know what to expect from others in their lives. If someone is attentive, warm, and engaged one day but dismissive or distracted the next, it leaves people wondering which version of that person to expect in the future.

Because consistency matters, consequences of this uncertainty can be bigger than whether or not you’re likeable. Being likable is important but inconsistencies in your actions can negatively influence whether or not someone trusts, feels safe, or if they should strive to include you.

Things To Remember When Creating Consistency

Reliability is an expression of integrity

Reliability is often reduced to punctuality and completed tasks. And while those things are great, integrity includes more than just being on time.

Integrity is the relationship between what you say, value, and actually do. You may think of yourself as supportive but your actions may show that you’re not present when someone needs to be heard. Family might be what you say is your top priority, but your choices may not consistently reflect that commitment. Or you may consider yourself to be an honest person but not communicate clearly when you have painful or challenging feelings to cope with.

Tom Willhite, co-founder of PSI Seminars once said, “Talk is cheap, even a bird can talk.” The point is that words are unimportant on their own and become meaningful when they are followed up by consistent behavior. People trust the pattern created through words and actions over time. Healthy patterns grow when consistency is valued.

Consistency does not mean perfection

Being dependable does not require you to have the same energy, emotional capacity, or availability every day. Life includes grief, exhaustion, illness, disappointment, and periods when you may be unable to show up in the way people have come to expect. Pretending otherwise is living outside of your integrity.

When life gets challenging, the honest response is to communicate the truth. Instead of abruptly withdrawing and leaving other people to guess at what’s going on, take the time to explain what is possible for you right now. You can acknowledge your limitations, set boundaries, ask for time, help or make a new agreement. This kind of communication protects the relationship because people are less likely to create their own explanation (or best guess) for the change in your behavior.

Your “I Am” is revealed through your actions

The PSI principle of I Am teaches that every person has the ability to shape their own life. Part of how you do that is through the identity you choose to live from. It is one thing to say:

“I am dependable.”

“Typically, I am honest.”

“You can count on me, I am supportive.”

“I am a person who keeps my word.”

It is another thing to demonstrate those declarations through your behavior. In reality, your “I Am” is expressed through what you believe about yourself along with your actions. When our beliefs and what people consistently experience when they interact with us match, trust grows. In this way, we accept responsibility for whether our behavior reflects the people we have decided to be.

Trust makes greater things possible

Reliability is not only a personal virtue, it’s also a requirement for collaboration. The PSI principle of Synergy where 1+1=3 recognizes that people working together can achieve far more than they could accomplish independently. This kind of synergy depends on trust.

A team functions well when members are sure commitments will be kept, and community projects move forward when communication is consistent. Families feel secure when responsibilities are repeatedly promised and fulfilled. When trust is solid, synergy grows.

When you know you can rely on the consistency of others, you can count on the benefits that come from combining time, energy, experience, and resources with greater confidence. Reliability helps create the foundation upon which shared results become possible.

Dependability is also a form of giving

The PSI principle of Givers Gain is not limited to financial generosity or formal acts of service. In a meaningful relationship, you give your partner, family and friends something valuable when you also give honesty, clarity, stability, and follow-through or keep an agreement that someone else has organized their plans around. Giving includes acknowledging your capacity has changed rather than disappearing without explanation..

Consistency matters, however it’s not reasonable to expect to be available to everyone at all times. Healthy reliability includes realistic boundaries. It’s important as a dependable person to also recognize that you cannot always be everything to everyone. Failing to honor your own limits can eventually produce resentment and disconnection. Dependability is not endless self-sacrifice; it includes honest participation in your relationships and commitments so that your life and needs are a fair part of the partnership.

Being a person other people can count on is a highly valuable quality that many people look for in their life partner, colleagues, and friends. If you are working on being more aligned with your words and actions, consider attending (or auditing) the Basic Seminar. It is the foundational training for anyone seeking to live a life with greater purpose and alignment.

Carson Johns explores in his series on Mastering Magnetism what attracts or repels others to you, the super power found in being a supportive listener and what your actions teach the world about your values, beliefs, and identity. For anyone ready to discover what is holding them back from greatness, this is one series you don’t want to miss.

You can watch his series on YouTube or listen to our podcast on your favorite podcast player.